The author of the hit column Ask a Clean Person offers a hilarious and practical guide to cleaning up life s little emergencies Life is filled with spills odors and those oh so embarrassing stains you just can t tell your parents about And let s be honest no one is going to ask Martha Stewart what to do when your boyfriend barfs in your handbag Thankfully Jolie Kerr has both staggering cleaning knowledge and a sense of humor With signature sass and straight talk Jolie takes on questions ranging from the basic how do I use a mop to the esoteric what should I do when bottles of homebrewed ginger beer explode in my kitchen My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag proves that even the most nightmarish cleaning conundrums can be solved with a smile the right supplies and a little music My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag and Other Things You Can t Ask MarthaThis book made me want to clean the inside of my microwave That should be worth six stars at least 238 I was late to discover the wonder that is Jolie Kerr In case you are similarly behind let me tell you She is a wildly popular internet person who writes the Ask a Clean Person column which has appeared variously on some of my favorite internet places including the Hairpin and Jezebel Apparently it is no longer cool to like Jezebel one of my friends recently called it the Fox News of feminism but sorry y all I am still onboard Anyway I am not a Clean Person Not at all Although I don t think I d fully come out as a Dirty Person I am for sure a Somewhat Messy Person and I do take a rather lackadaisical approach to the pristinity or distinct lack thereof of my home In addition I was raised by hippies so I have an affinity for dirt a respect for Dumpstering food diverting it from the waste stream if you re feeling fancy and a healthy skepticism toward nonsense like hand sanitizer that shit is just breeding supergerms y all And yet Sometimes I find that I do need to actually clean some shit And that is where someone like Jolie is just a gem Do you want to know for instance how to get semen stains out of a glove or how to clean roller derby pads Jolie will tell you semen stains derby pads I will admit that I ve never needed the answer to either of those but her great bra washing extravaganza is a wealth of information I ve turned to again and again Here for your edification is her entire Squalor Archive. Jolie in this book is just a bottomless fount of Clean Person wisdom although most of it boils down to three things baking soda white vinegar and OxiClean But I wish I could show you how many pages of this book I ve dog eared everything from unusual cleaning uses for common food items pick up broken glass with a slice of bread use vodka to eliminate sweat odors to creative ways to clean your small appliances white vinegar for your coffee maker rice for your electric grinder to innovative cleaning methods for around the home clean your ceiling fan blades with a pillow case dunk the handle of your reusable razor in a bleach bath to get at the mold And it s not just the expected stuff In fact I noticed some other GR reviewers saying things like I m not really sure who needs this book didn t your mother teach you these things So I would just like to note that those reviewers are jerks and liars I m 100% sure that no one s mother taught them for example how to clean bong water out of the carpet or how to get sexy time fluids out of a leather dildo harness not to mention the titular barf in the handbag. But Jolie does And for a Somewhat Messy Person it was fairly consistently revelatory In closing I would like to share a story I have lived in my current apartment for going on six years which is than twice as long as I ve lived anywhere else except for my parents home One of the things about being a serial renter is that long term messes aren t really your problem if you re only in each apartment for a couple of years things never get too grody So now I am facing cleaning issues that I have literally never even thought about before the most upsetting of which is the thin skein of greyish mold that has lately begun to coat the walls of my very tiny and mostly airless bathroom It s a thing I ve been stubbornly ignoring for at this point a few months because it was both a terror and a mystery and somehow I was so sure that it would just take care of itself It has not done so. Do you know what I did I mixed some bleach in some water and sprayed the shit out of the whole tiny room then I walked away for 15 minutes and when I came back My fucking god the walls were already about 75% unmolded Hallelujah and praise be Of course what I did next was stand in that room with the spray bottle in one hand and an array of sponges and rags in the other scrubbing and respraying and wiping and re respraying for maybe 30 or 40 minutes This had the unfortunate side effect of causing me to nearly poison myself with bleach fumes a creeping awfulness that I didn t even notice until I became so dizzy I had to sort of slump down off the chair I d been standing on and crawl into my office on the other side of the apartment and lie down I don t know what the moral of this story is actually I mean cleaning fucking sucks which is why I m a Somewhat Messy Person to begin with But on the other hand my bathroom walls are now so sparkly clean I actually feel kind of like a real grownup one who will die of bleach inhalation rather than mold inhalation So that s a win I guess 238 At this point you should be thinking So why wouldn t everyone just use laundry detergent pods Well I ll tell you They present a serious hazard to children and pets in that they re brightly colored and sort of look like fun toys and they re also just about mouth size and you see where I m going with this Right of course you do So it s something to take into consideration if you ve got children and or pets You could of course get rid of the children and or pets which would allow you to use pods with impunity and also would mean you d have a lot less laundry in general But I understand that some people feel rather attached to those children and or pets so if you want to choose a podless laundry riddled existence be my guest. Cleaning isn t the most thrilling chore I could think of in fact I can say with certainty that no one actually looks forward to the dirtiest job around but Jolie Kerr s devotion and simply outlined tips really make me want to get my butt off the couch and clean the damn house It s like when you read food blogs and become motivated to start taking the time to cook and eat healthier I see someone being really productive with their life which motivates me to at least attempt to reach that level. The trick is that Kerr actually makes cleaning seem fun her enthusiasm is contagious and her anecdotes uproariously funny She s kooky fanatical and just becomes your weird best friend who loves cleaning a hyped up Martha Stewart you could say But unlike Martha Jolie Kerr isn t a domestic ideal she s been through real world real girl problems like boyfriends barfing in handbags and isn t afraid to get her hands dirty literally. My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag is conveniently sectioned off into eight different cleaning categories 1 Kitchen2 Floors Ceilings Walls and Other Immovable Things3 Bathroom4 Personal Hygiene Tools and Appliances brushes hair dryers razors etc 5 Wedding Cleaning6 Laundry7 Car8 Things You Really Can t Ask Martha or Mom for that Matter I love how each chapter is outlined making the book all the useful as a reference tool Just look up your problem area in the index and you ll find the solution Kerr suggests super easy I was pleasantly surprised by how helpful the guide is There s lots of cleaning advice that I have never come across or let s be honest have never had the opportunity to need before things that aren t just common knowledge The book is filled with comprehensive tables and charts that streamline specific cleaning methods and materials it s a nice break from huge chunks of text every once in a while And to make your life even easier Kerr provides DIY cleaning solution recipes made with ingredients that are probably already in your cupboards as well as specific brands and products she recommends for targeted problems. There s definitely a lot of spunk in Kerr s voice but that s what makes the book so entertaining the rambling direct style doesn t hold back There s absolutely no BS and readers are taken straight to the emergency no matter how mortifying and isn t that what we all want in a cleaning guide ProsExtensive easy to follow tips for any spill and situation Humorous light Organized into sections bathroom kitchen car etc Helpful graphics to compare and contrast different cleaning methodsConsA reference book not exactly something I would sit down and read cover to coverLoveThis isn t a word for word excerpt but just a condensed tip I got from the book and wanted to share with you guys Ever pull off a shirt or dress only to see some of your makeup rubbed off onto the garment Ugh To get rid of foundation stains from clothes rub the area gently with a baby wipe or makeup remove wipe Be sure to be gentle enough not to push the stain even deeper into the fabric Then throw it in the wash. For trickier oilier stains such as lipstick or mascara stains on clothing do the same thing except with rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball instead of a baby wipe The makeup should slide right off Convenient right VerdictHighly charged full of personality and conscientiously charming My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag is a stylish but frenetic cleaning guide for the everyday woman in everyday situations With advice that ranges from generic but crucial how to do laundry in a way that won t wear clothes out how to clean the toilet how to get rid of mildew etc to ridiculously specific and quirky how to deal with a Laffy Taffy that s melted in your pocket how to get embarrassing fluids out of your bedsheets how to even wrap your head around poop stains etc this book is a handy reference tool that s simultaneously thoroughly entertaining Jolie Kerr zealously combines chick lit with how to by contributing her and her readers own experiences just for kicks who knew cleaning would be so fun to read Rating 9 out of 10 hearts 5 stars Loved it This book has a spot on my favorites shelf. SourceComplimentary copy provided by publisher via tour publicist in exchange for an honest and unbiased review thank you Penguin and TLC 238 I don t like cleaning There I said it I m not one of those people who look forward to spring because it means I can get out the cleaning supplies and go to town. But I was intrigued by the title of Jolie Kerr s book My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag and Other Things You Can t Ask Martha You gotta admit that s a catchy title Kerr s book expands upon her cleaning column Ask A Clean Person. The book is filled with practical advice her most important Never mix bleach and ammonia something you know must be very dangerous because she repeats it until she is sure you have it. I liked the layout of the book the chapters are divided into rooms kitchen bathroom and specialty cleaning like bridal dresses and how to clean your car I never thought about all of the mishaps that can occur to a wedding dress but have no fear Kerr has your answer and it frequently involves club soda. She has fantastic charts for types of flooring beauty items and kitchen appliances that are great for quick references I made a list of her suggested cleaning products and headed to the store to stock up. I put the book to the test and followed her advice to make my bathroom sparkle I gave it a thorough scrubbing following her step by step instructions including mopping the floor using the handsie kneesie method It looks amazing but I don t want anyone to use it I d love to velvet rope it off. There are some funny anecdotes mostly questions sent in to Kerr like the title question and the chapter on cleaning sex toys is unique for sure I have not seen that topic covered in Ladies Home Journal or Real Simple magazines. My husband is thrilled that I read this book because our apartment will be shiny clean and so he doesn t even mind that I am adding another book to my permanent collection 238 Earlier this year I tidied Now I m on a mission to be clean. This book written by Jolie Kerr who writes the Ask A Clean Person column for Deadspin The Hairpin various Internet outlets lays it all out in her book Basically this is a guide for a person who managed to get to adulthood without really knowing much about deep cleaning Though I sort of know a lot of this stuff she has a ton of great tips and tricks in here I now realize I don t need a ton of various cleaning products What I need is white vinegar ammonia and dish soap for almost every surface in my house Maybe throw in some Windex and some Scrubbing Bubbles After reading this book we did a deep clean of the fridge It looks incredible Next I want to do a complete wipe down of the cabinets in the kitchen I ll even consider washing my floor with a scrubbing brush on my hands and knees Mostly though as much as I read this for knowing about deep cleaning she actually has some great tips about everyday cleaning Attack messes right away she advises rather than waiting to do a deep clean down the road The often you do routine wipedowns the less likely you are going to need to spend hours on your kitchen I also discovered I was probably using too much laundry detergent and drying my clothes for too long There are some less good things about this book It s better used as a reference book than it is something to read straight through though I did as her tone is overly enthusiastic in a way that becomes a bit grating over time It s also better as a reference book because there are just large sections that may not apply to you I already got married for instance so the chapter on weddings though it also included some tips on silver polishing was largely irrelevant She also doesn t touch on some basics probably because she s covered them extensively in her column like dusting Still I m hoping to deploy some of Kerr s philosophies in an attempt to make my house less gross Humans are disgusting 238
Thanks to the publisher for an advance reading copy. I generally find cleaning guides to be redundant when the Martha Stewart or Better Homes and Gardens websites are such great and thorough resources Jolie Kerr manages to bring a fresh take to cleaning that didn t feel like it was simply repeating what can be found better elsewhere Although she is a self professed clean person she recognizes that most people don t enjoy household tasks and she gives real world advice on how often you should expect to clean various areas of your home She also fully acknowledges that certain tasks like cleaning radiators are horrible while giving a time frame of how long they ll take to get done She also delves into little discussed cleaning issues like the handbag of the title and while many of the drunken situations that caused them aren t likely to happen in my life I can imagine that knowing how to clean vomit out of popcorn textured walls could be an helpful piece of information However the book is also at its weakest in the chapter on these ridiculous situations since many of them are fairly graphic and the advice given is often repetitive One chart literally repeats the same advice verbatim for about 10 different situations If the cleaning advice is the same for everything what s the point of a chart Still I don t know that I ve ever wanted to clean my apartment after reading a Martha Stewart Living magazine and this book made me want to deep clean my kitchen 238 4. 5 stars Let s face it cleaning is not that fun unless you are a glutton for punishment Sure it s really nice to have a perfectly clean house to come home to but you have to put in a little elbow grease in order to get those results If you re like me you re probably wondering where do you even start This book actually makes cleaning sound doable and like it might be even a little tiny bit fun I ve been a big fan of Jolie Kerr s column Ask a Clean Person seen on the likes of TheHairpin. com and Jezebel and so I was really excited to see she was coming out with a book This book actually made me think that maybe just maybe I could tackle my cleaning chores with a little gusto Kerr is funny and accessible Looking at some of the questions that she answers in the book there is nothing that is off limits for her She actually writes about cleaning with a ton of humor and panache I actually giggled at parts of this book yes I giggled at a book about cleaning That totally happened This book would be a perfect gift for someone going off on their own for the first time or it would be a good choice for people like me who have been off on their own for awhile and are totally confused about cleaning products and how the heck you should clean stuff or how often you need to clean stuff there is so so so much to think about you guys 238 This book is fairly self explanatory Written by Jolie Kerr of the Ask a Clean Person podcast and column fame this book attacks the most common and lewd of cleaning issues with optimism and humor Contained within these pages are a myriad of helpful hints always written with frugality and functionality in mind This is truly an invaluable guide for twenty somethings but honestly anyone and everyone can use it. The book contains handy charts and chapters divided up primarily by the room that it would be tackling It s easy to use for reference while going around the apartment as I used it but also fine for taking notes for future cleaning endeavors It s a handy reference a hilarious and helpful read and slim enough to fit into a purse or apron if you re on the go. One of the other things I greatly appreciated about this book was her willingness to offer alternatives to bleach while still being honest about the drawbacks of not using a bleach product Honesty is appreciated and she has that in spades 238 This book is great It s maybe a bit on the basic side if you like me grew up with parents who were very meticulous about cleaning but even if I do recommend reading it. So this book covers basic and some not so basic household cleaning kitchen bathroom laundry dishes to retainers stains and the titular barf in the handbag The author has a really great tone that not only is very reassuring you CAN do it but is also fast paced and informative but not so informative a reader will start freaking out again She does a really great job of breaking down the science behind things like different types of stains for example. I definitely recommend reading this books and then maybe gifting a copy to anyone who s getting started on cleaning their stuff on their own recent grads recent apartment house acquirers etc I left this book feeling excited and capable of tackling my previously kind of overwhelming kitchen which is TRULY amazing 238 3 things you re going to want to keep in stock after reading this book 1 Oxi Clean and lots of it 2 White vinegar AND LOTS OF IT 3 Denture tablets generic ones will do just fine If you re at all interested in domestic goings on I highly recommend this book The author has a humorous tone that keeps things interesting which is important when you re reading an entire chapter on how to do laundry Plus she weaves in real life examples and stories and if I m being honest it makes you feel kind of good to read about other people who don t have their shit together. But seriously I plan on singing the praises of this book to everyone I know because there is so much useful information in here I ve even taken to dog earing the pages though that isn t exactly necessary given that the book has a super handy INDEX in the back Yeah An index Awesome I have a strong feeling that rather than living in the library of my home this book is going to reside within arm s reach so I can reference it often 238.. But thanks to this book I was inspired to clean those fucking walls
